When a bone is broken, we have to keep it in splint so that it won’t hurt anymore till the bone is re-unite. Sometimes, we feel unbearably painful when our heart is broken. In that case, we enclose the sensitive wound to avoid further damage. Try to forget about the injury, by any kinds of distractions. We don’t talk about the wound. We don’t think about the pain. Otherwise we cannot move on. Like a boxer, hit by a blow, it takes time to stand up again. For the time being, I am not a soldier but a doctor. Yet I am facing with enemies in the battles. I have to hide my sufferings which are sensitive issues, making my heart broken. It really hurts. Not a simple hurt. It’ s grievous. It’s been more than 1500 days, I haven’t seen my mom, I haven’t heard your voice. How are you Mom? Are you alright? I feel terribly sorry for my incompetence. Still we could not save you from monsters. Since the first day of the coup, they fade out you and your voice. No news about you.They cut all the connections between us. Nevertheless they couldn’t remove your image in our heart. Some boys tattoo your portrait upon their chest. Some write your name on arms. They knew that it can lead to dreadful torture and death sentence. But nobody think twice to keep you forever in their hearts and souls. It makes them feel you are always with them till the end of their lives. We always love you that much, Mom.We miss you so much.
Of course I ‘m missing you too, Mom. Whenever I see your photos on Facebook, I feel overwhelming melancholy and I have to skip that and run away. It hurts Mom. Really hurts. Then I realised that I need to work harder and harder and kept all my attention and efforts to the revolution. I shall do what so ever to save your soul. Between Heaven and Earth, nothing could make me give up no matter how hard or whatever it takes. Even the Hell
could not frighten me cause I have to run a marathon over the roaring fire and ashes until I rescue my mom. Even my mom can withstand their torture, with bloody but unbowed head. Why should I surrender and fall down?
It has been long time, I haven’t reached you because I’m afraid of sadness, sorrow and nostalgie. I didn’t call your name even when I get lost in troubles. I didn’t say a word nor drop a line for you cause I lost my self-confidence. However, I must do it now. I have to make a birthday wish for your 80th anniversary birthday. “Happy Birthday Mom! May God bless you too!” This is not the first time for me. I wrote a note called ” Birthday Present” 13 years ago, when I was at Ann, a district in Arakan State. At that time, I made a promise which I still keep till now. For me, it is more than a promise. It’s an oath. I’ll never break that under any circumstances.
Though we couldn’t see each other, you are always with me, I believe. It is a platonic love. During these years, all of my thoughts, my actions, my decisions have accords with you because I have been following your steps. ” My mom will never do this and that.” “My mom used to make it in that way.” I always think like that. You don’t have to dictate. I obey you already. Because I know you very well. We don’t need words to communicate. One day, if I see you in heaven, you will see all my homework done.
The most valuable thing, I’ve learned from you is “My mom never make mistakes. She never do wrong. She never do malpractice nor misconduct.” At any circumstances, under threats and pressure or disturbance, you are always brave, smart and fearless. And stubborn too. These are the legacy, I want from you. You are my idol. I admire you all the time and now you see I become a stubborn doctor. Mom, you didn’t do anything wrong even for your survival, fame and dignity. You never plead or negotiate with junta. You don’t care what they blame on you “She never know how to compromise even though we all
knew the coup is in-evitable. She is not flexible. In the end, all Myanmar citizen are suffering from a civil war.” But you made us clear with a single word. “All absurd!” That’ s what you said and correct interpretation of their talks. They accused you a fraud in election. You are always a landslide winner in every election.No one is hardly comparable to you in our history. How can it be possible that the fraud is yours? No offense. They all are really absurd. Actually they did all possible ways of fraud. Yet, they couldn’t beat you. Then they made a coup. No one in the whole army is as brave as you. What a woman and what those soldiers! You are my heroine. I admire you. In this way, I am what I am today.
Mother, we all love you. We stand with you. We follow your steps. That’s why they criticised us “skirt liner” or “redidiots”. I don’t think it is an insult. We are not the ones who ought to be ashame of. Actually I am very proud to be one of your sons and being an redidiot under junta’s oppression. How cheerful reward! We dare to reveal our true color in spite of their massacre. In contrast, they dare not wear their uniforms even in the battlefields.
In fact, I am not the one who stand with you all the time. You are the one who always stand with us indeed. Why do I and why do you do so? That is beyond the blood relation. You have your own offsprings and we have our own parents. Yet you treat us like your own son and we love you as our only mother. Liason between us is not tied with benefit. Not attached with any expectation. It comes from the bottom of our hearts. It is really deep and cannot be expressed in words.
When I was a child, people cried with Wah Wah Win Shwe’s movies. They used to came out movie theater with red and puffy eyes. Are you guys crying with a movie? Of course we are. What about the books? May be. But I am not the one who cried with the books. Till now I have been writing a thousand of notes and essays. Did they make me cry or the readers cried with my notes? No way. It is ridiculous to shed tears in that age. I am not a cry baby. However, I wrote with tears three times. “43”, about my late father. “The attachment” (Kazune Nwe) and this letter lastly. May be I can hide the tears but nobody sees the blood sheds from my soul. It is uncontrollable. It is not the expression of sadness, sorrow nor pity. It is an automatic action of overwhelming feelings. Whenever I write about you, it makes me feel that way. That would be the reason why I couldn’t call your name all the time. Still, I do keep my promises, made in “Birthday Present” and “Ten years later”. But I cannot set you free as I promised. I have to try harder and harder in all efforts.
“Moi,
je t’offrirais des perles de pluie
Venues de pays où il ne pleut pas
Je creuserais la tèrre
Jusqu’après ma mort
Pour couvrir ton corps
D’ or et de lumière
Je ferrais un domaine
Où l’amour sera loi
Où l’amour sera roi
Où tu seras reine.”
Perhaps, evil juntas cut off everything between us; connection, information and communication. But they cannot block the love and affection. We are devoted to you in any circumstances. Whenever we feel down under the crisis, you are the motivation. Whenever we feel tired and exhausted, you gave us endurance and strength to move on. We know our orientation by seeing where the Sun comes up and goes down. Likewise, we choose the right path in your direction whenever we get lost in the labyrinth. Because we believe you are never on the wrong side. That mentality and courage is the most valuable legacy from you. I am always following your steps to catchup your thoughts and wisdom. I will try all my best.
May God bless you and long live our Mom!
Sincerely
With eternal love
Your son
Dr. Jang Geum